Here are a few thoughts on this deep and interesting subject. It’s difficult to talk about cross-cultural differences, without making huge generalisations, and I really want to avoid stereotyping anyone. That’s my whole point really - dating Japanese girls doesn’t have to become this out-there "thing" with a title, "Dating Japanese Girls" - for most people, dating is just a normal thing to do if you’re single, right? So we’re here in Japan, and hopefully this is going to become your normal life, and you’re going to want to live like a normal person, and date, or at least make friends amongst the people you’re living with. Why would you want to limit your social circle to only other non-Japanese that you might not have anything in common with besides being foreigners in the same country? So I believe we non-Japanese here in Japan should learn Japanese, the regular language that people actually speak, and get out and meet people. It’s not hard.

Having said all that, obviously there are cultural differences involved in dating Japanese women, but these are mostly to do with our perception of what "normality" is, and our definitions and expectations of any relationships. To understand some of the cross-cultural differences involved in a Japanese woman and foreign man dating, I used to first look at Japanese women closely and the way they act around Japanese men, or in relationships. From this I could observe things that in my culture were different such as the way the couple touches each other, shows affection or the types of conversation they have. Once you get a basic understanding then it's time to actually start going out with them one on one.

If you aren’t fluent in Japanese, it can be difficult to give out the hints and signals that we tend to take for granted in our own language. You also need to be aware that Japanese people rely even more on these hints and signals. For example, if a Japanese girl wants to date you and wants your phone number, they will probably first ask something really vague, such as "kondo, asobouyo". If you follow this up by displaying your genuine enthusiasm, then they’ll ask "itsu dattara ii?" or whatever, and finally you can exchange phone numbers. Perhaps a little more indirect than we're used to but understanding this can mean the difference between a second date or not!

I have seen many Japanese foreign couples who end up have misunderstandings over cultural differences so I believe understanding each other's culture and why each person behaves a certain way is crucial if you're to have a long lasting happy relationship.... to be continued!